Well boys spring is almost over and summer will soon be here. Griffin you have spring fever and you have proved that by being a little over zelous on the school bus on Thursday when we went on our very first school trip together and you were in the back being dared by someone you so wanted to be friends with and he dared you to kiss the little girl on the seat with you... Needless to say Mrs Mackey didn't approve and I was at the front of the bus and had no idea. I love you boys to death because one of your best qualities is that you are so different then eachother. I was very cross Griffin but once I slept on it and woke up the next morning I did realize we will look back and read this and laugh.. My little stud muffin. You have loved Girls since forever. Not to be friends with or play with other then the Thornes but you have had a girlfiend Daisy for a whole year and she doesn't speak to you. You and her have your own language. You are a gentleman when you see her for the whole school year you have helped her put on her shoes and coat and all she does is poke you or just stand there until you notice her and then you ask her if she needs help and she puts out her foot. Very sweet and I know she means alot to you.

Right now the 2 of you are just thrilled because Daddy went and bought you your first and I know not last dirt bike. I have yet to see you in person but Jackson you did some awesome video taping for MOmmy so she could see. And Daddy took some pictures. It blows my mind that the 2 of you can just pick up a ball and be a basket ball player, you decide you want your training wheels off and all of a sudden I am on the phone and you come driving down the driveway on 2 wheels. Is like your both natural athletes. You both have a gift and that is that no matter what you try you are good at. It is a great gift as long as it is monitored because it can also be your worst enemy. But while you are young Mommy and Daddy have to watch it and guide you in a way that is challenging for you but not let you start and stop things like crazy because something looks better than what you are doing.

You are also both proving to be very smart. I am so proud of you for how hard you try and the sucess you have on your repot cards. I think the difference is Jackson has to try hard and is a very organized and self motivated while it just comes to Griffin he tends not to have to try as hard but he doesn't have Jackson's motivation he wants to sail through which will be our challenge. But I think you will both be great students and bring home good grades. I already just so proud to be your Mom even if it at sometimes is a challenge it is worth every challenge you bring me. I love watching the 2 of you in the things that you do. It facinates me how your so creative at such a young age. Griifn has been given the drawing bug and will sit for hours and draw and his drawings are amazing for a SK student it brings Mrs Mackey to tears sometimes Grifin you impress her so much. You are able to sound out the words and the drawings to go with the story are amazing. Jackson you are my dreamer. You are so much like Daddy that way. It is a good thing a great thing that you have an amazing imagination. You love to draw as well as your But you make creations. You come up with cool and different Monster Trucks and you make plays for Football in the sping when you and your friends play. You have all the plays worked out and drawn so everyone can see. You lay in bed and think of ways you and Jacob can make money for the summer, you are a creator and ly have the greatest imagineation I love talking to you when you are in the middle of a creation. You are so excited and passionate about it. It inspires me to want to do something more with my life and you are only 9 what are you going to be like in your teens...

I guess that this blog is about what you are now and giving me something to look back at and see where you have gone and what you have done with all of your gifts that God has given you. I love you both so much you are such amazing boys to have in my life I am so blessed. You are both so loving and caring toward eachother and are able to play together for hours at a time without too many fights but even when you fight you fight fair and you fight for a minute and it is over. You are so affectionate towrads eachother and you tell eachother how much you love eachother and I know when you think that I am not looking I see the two of you haveing snuggle time and it makes me proud that you are such good friends because you need eachother you need to have eachother's back and you need to lean on eachother as time goes on and things happen that you aren't ready to share with Mommy and Daddy you always have eachother.


I love you so muc for the individuals you are and I love you both for the loving brothers you are. don't ever let anyone or anything come between you. Nothing is more important than eachother...

Mommy MAY 1,2009

Friends

I am not sure but I want to talk to you about the importance of being a good friend and surrounding yourself with good friends. jackson when you were a baby one of the most important people in your life. She was 2 feet tall and still in diapers and was wearing a little peach dress. It was so hard to take you to daycare the first 2 weeks bacause it was the first time someone was going to look after you other than family. I was really scared and you cried so hard when I had to go it broke my heart. Little did I know that there was a cute little girl walking over to you everytime you cried and she wrapped her tiny litte arms around you and she would hold on until you cried. Your teacher Vickie was so overwhelmed because she had never seen anything like it she would tear up. I think the funniest thing about this story is that something we didn't realize was that they would later become our very best friends for the rest of our lives all because of that moment. They will come to be "The Benders" We cherish them for all they bring us and all we bring to them it is a special deep friendship that is unconditional, meaningful, deep friendship who I think you will model all friends from here on in after and that you will always hold everyone including girl freinds to the standard of Emily. She is honest, kind, empathetic, and totally what a friend should be and you are so blessed to have been shown that so early in your life.

Kim has sat at the foot of my bed for 3 years since I was diagnosed with Cancer and cheered me on, been there for me even at 6am in the morning and without judgement or question. Duane is the same to Dad a bond that will never be broken and Griffin and Meaghan are growing up to be as close as the rest of us. It is so lucky that we have found them and we cherish every moment we have with them.

Your Mommy has been very blessed in her life. I hav e great friends. I have all of my friends that I have been re-aquanted with when I got sick. Tina and Vickie came out as soon as they could to spend a weekend here. Auntie Karen who is Jackson's God Mother came out twice just to see us and then when I got sick she ran to my side. Auntie Kelly who I was just blessed to spend the weekend with in Niagra Falls loves you boys so much and misses you so much because she lives so far away. She stays very close with the phone and email and is taking care of her own Mommy who I really hope you get to meet one day because she is such an amazing person and is fighting so hard to stay alive with her own battle with Cancer. She was diagnosed a year after Mommy. She is doing Chemo right now and has lost all of her hair everywhere but is fighting so hard. She has been a HUGE part of Mommy's life. She is like a 2nd Mom to me. She is always there for me to call or write to when I feel like I can't talk to anyone and I am blessed to have her in my life. Auntie kelly and Auntie Karen are forever friends we have been friends for 25 years or more it is quite amazing. Then there is Gita. We had a friendship like no other. Tighter than best friends and more like family. We lived togoether for years off and on and when push came to shove her and I felt like it was her and I against the world and you know what for awhile it was! But sometimes in life you have falling outs with people and we wasted 12 years being mad about something that neither one of us could tell you why now but when you really need someone who was improtant to you you will know they true were true friends because they always come back when you need them. Then there is Sam. You don't know much about Sam and the MacElroys but you may need to call on them in your life and in a second they will be ther for you don't you worry. Sam has been in my lifee in my for as long as I can remember and she still is a staple in my life so I hope you get to meet her one day too.


What I am trying to explain to you is sometimes your family is preoccupied or sick or you feel like you can't go to them well if you think about it and go through my phone book you will see so many people we are surrounded by and hold out your arms and feel the love that surrounds us...

I love you Boys and I love all of my friends and family we are very Blessed!

The ties that bind....

Well March Break has passed and we are on our last days of sleeping in and hanging out just the three of us....

I want you both to know that I have enjoyed our break so much that I feel for the first time that I was a full time stay at home Mommy for you both. On my own with out having to rely on anyone. I did it on my own and we had fun. We did lots and hung out with friends and you were able to see your friends and do things for once without me holding you back. I don't ever want to hold you back again. Mommy will always be worried that this Cancer will come back and that is something I have to deal with. I don't want the burden you anymore. Jackson when I layed on the bed with you and asked if you felt lighter like some of the worry was gone and you were able to express to me that you felt llighter that was truly the best feeling for me because I know you have felt this silent responsibility to look after me, help me up when I can't get up and help me breathe when I have lost my breathe and I am so gla that I had both of you to help me when no one else was here to help but your so young and I just want you to be able to be kids again.

This summer you have been given some more freedom that you have never had beofore and yes you do have to be responsible for your brother but that is a normal " BIG" brother thing you have to do. Atleast you can go and have your friends over and know that Mommy is upstairs because she is watching one of her shows not because I can't get up or walk because I can. I am getting better and better. I have been back at the gym I have been looking at ways to get better from the inside out. I don't want you to worry about me anymore.

There are so many good things that have come out of me being home. If you look really hard you can see the silver linning that we the Keaney's have. We are closer as a family unit, Mommy is home and takes you to school and picks you up and is there when you are sick, you don't have to be baby-sat anymore and be away from me every weekend.....I have always wanted to be a Mommy and you are my life boys and I owe you my life thank you for helping me stay alive...

Mommy

My Baby is 6....

In honor of you my little buddy I decided to use your favoroite color of your innocent age of 6. I look at every holiday since having Cancer as a milestone. Every holiday ever Birthday I am here is a miricle and I just want you to know that this one held a special meaning for all of us as well. This was the first time in 3 of your innocent birthday's that I haven't either been in the hospital, going into surgery, or coming out of surgery. I remember for your 4th birthday I felt so terrible for you how could you possibly understand at your tender age why Mommy wans't going to be with you for your special day? I jus thought you would never forgive me or you would be so confused and scared without Mommy or Dady by your side....

Thanks to my best friend and Jackson's God Mother and your Mother Auntie Karen flew all the way out here from Vernon B.C. so that she could be here for you to comfort you when you cried for me and when you asked that queston that we all knew that you would ask "where is my Mommy?" She wanted to be here to answer that question and hold you while you cried and she had to tell you that Mommy was having another surgery and she would be home as soon as she could get home but she was thinking about you and is there for you in your heart all day.... You did what we all thought you cried... and you looked up at Auntie Karen and said " I am scared but I will be brave.." Now from what I understand it took all the strength your Auntie Karen had not to just take you in her arms and hold you until it was all over. But she did what she came here to do and she hugged you and told you it would be ok and she asked if you wanted to go to MacDonald's with Aunt Nessy and your best friend Tyler and of cource your answer was yahooo!

You are the bravest soul I have met Griffin you ask the right questions and demand the true answers, you know the punchline of the joke before anyone else knows the answer and you laugh from your toes like no one I have ever met. Now I want you to know that everyone loves their babies like I do but you and I have always had a special relationship. Different than Jackson and I not better just different. I feel very blessed to have 2 amazing relationships with my 2 amazing boys. You and I are so alike that we butt heads but we love to laugh and we love to love. You bring me up to a boil and bring me down as fast as I was boiling. You have the most beautiful deep blue eyes that dig right to my heart and soften my heart any time I look into them. You are so bright and artistic that you will live such an amazing full fullfillling life that I can't wait to follow along beside you and watch you jump off bridges and do all kinds of scary things, that you seek out to scare your Mother to life. You are a thrill seeker and the thrills will find you and Daddy and I will be brave and try to let you go and experience the life you want to life but please try to stop growing so fast. Everytime I turn around you get bigger and wiser and make me so proud and I look at you and your brother and I know that my life's dream has come true and without you my life would be nothing of what it is today.

So Griffin Keaney the tender age of 6 you have taught me so much about life and what life is about and that you have to live life freely and with as much fun as possible. I will always love you and no matter what we will face life head on and I will continue to look into those big blue eyes and tell you the truth and alwyas fight to be there to watch you become a man but not to fast as I am enjoying the ride we ride everyday we are blessed to have you in our lives. Oh the love, joy, and life you have brought to this family Griffin Thomas may the legasy be yours tolive and ours to watch from the sideline's..

Love Mommy Jan 8th 2009

I can't beleive I deleted the first one...

So for the last hour I have spent time writing your both a beautiful Chrstmas message and I forgot to press something and poof it's gone. So I am going to start over...

As the Christmas day is coming to an end I am laying here in my bed with my Princess Lola thinking about all of my blessings. You know boys some people think that I am so crazy for feeling that I have blessings's considering my health problems and the fact that I have had 15 kinds of surgeries and chemo and radiation and so much more in the last 3 years but I look at you both and Daddy laying in his spot on the couch and my heart just melts. The Christmas tree is in the back ground and all the gift s strewn about and my heart melts. No mattaer what I do to stay alive boys I will fight till the end to have moments like this one because that is really what Chrstmas is about. I am so proud of the both of you for starting a new Keaney family tradition and I look forward to being well enough to get involved next year and that is helping out at the Salvation Army. Sort toys and food and seeing that there are so many people out there especailly this time of year that need our help and although we can't afford to donate alot of money yet we can certainly donate our time and sometimes time is more valuble.

You never know with what little thing we do how much it is making a difference in someone's life and you and your brother get that Christmas is about so many things and you have learned that the hard way by Mommy being sick and having so many generous people help us out that for once this year it is an amazing feeling to know that we were able to give back a little bit. And that little bit will always get bigger each year. Becuase you know boys 2 years ago Mommy and Daddy didn't know how we were going to put presents under the tree or make a nice family supper and it was really sad and scary but Mommy had just gotten through my Chemo and Radiation and thought I would be back at work by this time and it was so impossible but Mommy made a wich and some very special elves came to our rescue and helped us silently with not wanting any recognition or pay back we were able to put food on the table and fill out tree full of gifts for you and your brother. Nana and Gumpy were here that year and we had a very nice day. It isn't about how much you get it's about wh you share it with and that you don't forget the meaning of Christmas is family and the fact that I am here this year is our biggest gift of all. I couldn't say that 3 years ago. I wouldn't have started this and you wouldn't have known in my words how much I cherish you and love you and how proud I am to be your Mother.

I look around this house and see you Jackson and you Griffin and Daddy in his spot on the couch with the soft lights of the tree and decorations in the back ground and I feel overwhelmed with graciouness and pride. I feel so blessed that the tears I have running down my face are so full of love and blessings that they are heavey down my face. I know that some people have a hard time imagining how I could possibly feel blessed when the last 3 years have been Hell for me but looking at all that I have and all the love I am surrounded with makes me feel like the luckiest Mommy in the whole world. The only things that are missing are Auntie Buffy, Auntie Kelly, and The rest of my family being here with us but again I am blessed becuase Daddy's family loves Mommy like I am one of them so that eases the pain I feel in my heart.

Boys you are the heart and soul of my existance and well being and I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that as my health worsens and more things come to the surface I will do my best to push myself as hard as I can to be the best Mom I can and try to continue to get as well as I can. I will do whatever that Doctor's tell me to do to stay on this earth as long as it is my time plus maybe a little longer because i am so stubborn. You pull me through all that is bad and make me do things that hurt so bad but have a positive outcome and you make me want to be brave so that I can take tests that are so painful I want to scream but i f I don't have them I won't know what is wrong and you give me the bright light at the end of the tunnle I so desperatly need to get through this life that God has given me. I know he only gives you what you can handle but when it is so difficult and I don't think I can handle it I think of you and Griffin and i know I can do it for you. Thank you Jackson and Griffin you are my hearo's and you inspire me to always do better in this world.

Mommy

I am so glad I am here..............

Well this weekend has been a very nice weekend. I hope that everyone has had as much fun as me. Jackson what you did on Friday night was the highlight of my life! I was so grateful that we took advantage of our private time together. We went to MacDonalds for a Sundae and you so graciously spent your allowance to take me out. It was late and we were alone which never happens and you suggested that we go out and have an ice cream and I was hesitant as always and I am just so glad you convinced me to go because it was the best time I have had in such a long time and just being with you and having some one on one time meant so much to me.

Then Saturday we got to go and have breakfast with Santa and Grandma and Papa and the Sweeney's which we have done the last 2 Christmas's and Mommy really enjoys that day it is really special to me because we get to catch up and just sit and enjoy eachother's company and we always go as a family which is the icing on the cake! Now is the time that I really start to miss my family. I find it hard to be away from Auntie Buffy especially and her boys because I know we would have so much fun all together if we ever had the chance but because of certain circumstances that will never happen. We will however The bender's mean alot to us. You and Emily started it all in the Burlington Childeren's Centre when you had such a hard time when Mommy had to leave you and little sweet Emily would come over to you and hold you until you stopped crying and little did we all know that Kim was in the hallway hugging Mommy so that she would stop crying! That is where it all began and we have been friends ever since. Daddy and Duane are best friends and Meaghan and Griffin are best friends and you and Emily are best friend and so are Kim and I. Kim has been there for Mommy at every surgery and as many Dr.\s appointments since I was diagnosed with Cancer and I just couldn't have gone through these last few years without her.

you and Emily have such an amazing relationship. It is so mature for your age but it's like you just understand eachother so well without any questions. You are there for eachother when you need and you just click. It is so nice for us because I feel that Emily has paved the way for you so that you will never go below her standard because she is what you have known she has taught you true love, true friendship, unconditional love, and understanding, guenuine care and laughter. So now you will be attracted to people who only have those qualities because it's all you know. It is so special and the greatest thing about it is that you both appriciate eachother for all the things you bring to the relationship. and for your age that is just amazing. All we can hope for is your friendship will always stay the same and although there will be akward times you will alwyas be ther for one another. Pretty cool.

This Christmas is so special to all of us as I mentioned before this is the first year in 3 years that I won't be just coming home from the hospital or just recovering from surgery or gettting ready to go in for another surgery. i am looking forward to it just being the 4 of us no offence to Grandma and Papa who usually come and have dinner with us and have for the last 8 years but soemtimes it is nice to just be the 4 of us and because this year is so special it means alot to me to all be together alone just haning out in our jammies and playing with all out new toys and games that we have gottten from Santa and friends and family.

Mommy is starting to get stronger. Each day is getting brighter and brighter. I am trying so hard to push through and not let these horrible health issues hold me back anymore and I want you to know that if it weren't for you both I wouldn't have the strength and the willingness to do it. You get me up in the morning and make me enjoy life. That is a big resposibility and I hope you dont' mind the burden that is put upon you because the last thing I want to do is put you under so much stress. It is just you both so naturally make me want to be better. A better Mom to you both, a better friend so I can be a good role model for you, and a better person so that you will always be proud of me and be proud to have me for a Mom.

Merry Christmas Jackson and Griffin thanks for all you do for me and all the times we have had together thus far. I look forward to many more times togother as a family and many more christmas's each one to bring us new and exciting things....